I'm Sorry Dept: The Artic Wonder does it again...

[Capn Jimbo]

The gift that keeps on giving...

My Frozen friend, I'm so very sorry. I really am. I try so hard to ignore your website and for the most part, I succeed. Then you make yet another stupendous and blustery blunder that I tried and tried to ignore - but simply couldn't.

Here it is:

In your recent review of Isla Ñ Rum ("...a small boutique rum distillery based in Tucuman, Argentina") your attempt to portray expertise was embarassing.

1. You engaged in stilted and presumptuous name-dropping. For example, you matter-of-factly describe their bottle as a "flagon". Impressive and clever, save for one thing:

It's not a flagon. Flagon is a term most commonly applied to large, squat bottles which typically feature some kind of handle, grip or lip and often a hinged closure, and which usually contain larger amounts of spirits (think 2 to 5 liters). Bulk carriers. Isla's bottle is a simple, slightly tapered typical rum bottle.

2. You condescend in an blistering attack on the distiller for what they call "slow distilling" by - Oh No! Mr. Bill - by noting that their aging process is accelerated by using oak chips in their new French Oak barrels.

I think you're confusing Isla with Flor de Cana (who does claim "slow aging", but to whom you gave a pass). Go figure.

Earth to Wolfboy! Hint: distilling is not aging. Their description of "slow distilling" refers to, uh, distilling - not aging - specifically artisan batch distilling, using modified pot stills with reflux towers. Pot stilling is slow by nature - Isla states a single batch takes 15 hours or more of constant attention by the master distiller, who must remain vigilant, choosing the most timely moment to make his cuts (heads, hearts and tails). This manner of distilling is demanding, variable and time consuming. What this fairly named "slow distilling" (compared to high speed/high volume column distilling) has to do with aging is beyond me.

But not you.

3. Last, you state: "Finally, the company states that large oak vats are avoided in the aging process, but does not say that they are not used at all.".

In a debate you'd lose for using what's called an "argument from ignorance", a relative of "proving a negative".

Have you been doing another of your repeated shots, vodka tastings? You are actually criticising a distiller for what? - rim shot - for what they are not claiming? For what they don't say?! Let's try this: please take note that I am not claiming you are a complete wacko. Capish?

Of course not.

But let me give you the benefit of the doubt. For some reason you suspect that - let's speculate here - that Isla might use a large oak vat, say for final blending before bottling? Is that it? And even if they were, so the fuck what? Hey, maybe they use a stainless vat? Or maybe they don't blend at all, and simply bottle from the barrel?

They didn't claim those either. Do you have a point?

Look, it's no news that I can be tough on distillers and I will be first in line to call them out on cheating and deception. But I don't make it up, I don't criticise for what isn't claimed and I don't, don't, don't...

Confuse distilling with aging. Or fermentation for that matter. Speaking of which, you might stew on that for awhile...

[Capn Jimbo]

Let's get to the nub of it...

What's really going on here? It doesn't take a genius - in fact any idiot can see - that what we have here is a rank amateur who in a headlong rush to demonstrate wishful competence is trying to act like an expert. Let's run through this...

When he opened his website not much more than a year or so ago it was crude, rude and simple. "The Rum Howler". And in very little time we now have what must be 500 reviews, recipes, "methodologies", analyses, "Rum Howler Awards" and the like. A humongous output by a fellow who admitted that he knew very little about rum in the first place, and who claimed to be posting his thoughts as an ordinary hobbyist. Somewhere in there he began headlining the site as "The Rum Howler...and Whiskey Too!". And now having added tequila, gin, and vodka he puts out the site as "A Website for Spirited Reviews". Coming soon...

"The Source of all Knowledge".

In his new Isla n Rum review he's reached a new low. As he's changed his logo, he's changed his presentation. In the beginning - not all that many months ago - he presented as a hobbyist just sharing his experiences. But the fix was in. One of his first inventions was his "Dykstra Method" (covered elsewhere here) for tasting rum. Now mind you he knew very little about rum, and accordingly invented his own "method" for tasting and scoring a rum.

I found it disintegrative, pompous and laughable. Recently he upgraded his vocabulary when he invented yet another personal method for now reviewing vodka. Except now "method" has become "methodology". Impressively big words.

But back to the story...

I then engaged in a long series of email exchanges designed to bring him back into orbit and hopefully, to avoid appearing foolish. Notably, I discovered his very strange palate (wherein he found "bitterness" in well over half the rums he'd tasted) and advised him to find another descriptor. It seems he may be a member of the cursed "supertaster" fraternity, afflicted with "bittermouth" (a condition suffered by a small percentage of the population), and who experience a particular phenol(s) present in spirits as "bitter".

He ignored the advice and borrowing heavily from other data I'd provided him, posted his own misanalysis of "What is rum?". But I digress.

In the current bungling we have descended to a new level. The hobbyist has disappeared and now we have the all knowing, all seeing dispenser of spirits knowledge. No more tentativeness. No more "method" but "methodology". He incorrectly describes what is a pretty ordinary bottle as a "flagon". Sounding knowledgable and good writing, but - it's simply wrong. His misguided and wacky criticism of Isla's "slow distilling" (time consuming batch pot stilling) is delivered in the manner of a tribal wiseman whose every gesture, every suspicion, glare, raised eyebrow and blowing of smoke are terribly meaningful and predictive.

Pay attention!

Accordingly he finishes his opening tease in oddly formal language "My intent will be to judge the rum inside the bottle, and so I shall begin my review". We await you sir. It's all about style and impression. He ends with a wiseman commandment, posted in bold face, emphasized by an exclamation point: "Please enjoy the review!".

I'm serious.

Not just a simple link to "My Review", not "Hope you enjoy the review", but "Please enjoy the review!". Just barely short of "You shall enjoy the review!". It's an attitude and a style. I'm the expert, trust me, I know. But as far as enjoying his pretentious presentation...

"I did not and I shall not!!!"


*******

Capn's Log: An addenda.

I've been pretty hard on the Wolfboy's unusual bittermouth palate, and I know that along with the Preacher, he frequents this site. Unfortunately genetics rules and we may expect the findings of "bitterness" to continue. But he's gotten the messege, and although he seems to keep finding bitterness he reports it differently.

In Isla n Rum for example, he's now pretty backhanded about it.

"More on that theme of interesting…. you know how when you ask someone for an opinion on your new hair cut, and they tell you that it looks….’interesting’. (You know they don’t really mean it as a compliment, don’t you?) The initial entry of the Isla Ñ Rum into the mouth is kind of like that. It is… ‘interesting’."

That's an interesting comment, lol. His usual "bitterness" is now replaced with "...strange ‘wooden’ astringency which seems to assault the palate", "bitter citrus pith" and "bittersweet finish".

Better writing, same strange findings. He finishes with what amounts to an admission and apology:

"I am not a fan of bitterness or astringency in the spirits I consume, yet I believe I glimpsed past those features and detected facets of the Isla Ñ rum which were rather pleasing."

I can identify with that. I'm not a fan of simplistic presumptuousness but I must say you have a very interesting haircut...

"Enjoy the rest of the forum!"