Perhaps one of the greatest new introductions ever was/ is being conducted by the amazing Ron de Jeremy. The promoter is a master marketer, with a presentation and story that simply couldn't be challenged. Ron de Jeremy is a force to be reckoned with.
Olli Hietalahti got more publicity for his then non-existent rum in a month than the Preacher got for his two wimpy cane juice rums in ten years. That must hurt. What happened next was entirely predictable.
The Preacher excommunicated Olli from his sacred commercial cathedral, when the bigger dicked Jeremy gave him an opening. Here's how it went down (pun intended). Up until then the monkeys at the Shillery were simply going ape over Ron de Jeremy. Five page threads are not all that common, especially for a brand new, unreleased rum. The chimps were chomping at the bit. To get the rum you actually had to sign up on a waiting list.
The anticipation was palpable.
Finally the long awaited rum was shipping, and naturally a couple of the monkeys had ordered it, and were gloating over their soon-to-arrive "get". After all, it IS a zoo, and everybody wants to be an alpha monkey. Sadly for one Texas critter, DrinkUpNY cancelled his order (and ego) because the state apparently doesn't allow mailorder booze.
No problem. Olli the promoter - in a spirit of friendliness - chimed in:
To be fair, this might imply a skirting of the law, but without knowing the "tricks" it's impossible to call this illegal. For example, DrinkUpNY can't mail to Texas, but they can legally mail it to your buddy in Florida who, yup, can legally mail it to you. That's a trick. You get the big dicked rum, and it's all legal.Ron de Jeremy: "...we're very sorry about the Texas regulations. There's couple other people in your situation and we're trying to pull out couple tricks to get the bottle to them. Please send me an email: and we'll do our best to sort it out. Again, sorry about the inconvenience. "
Not according to the Preacher, who went absolutely apeshit...
Urp! So how do ya really feel, Preach? Good grief. This is a guy who clearly types before he thinks. The Preacher begins by telling Olli to tone it down, but then "...on the second thought" bans him. For the most part the monkeys were stunned but a few - recognizing a volcanic eruption when they felt one - chattered back:Preacher: "I don't think Texans should be limited in their choice of alcohol, but it is illegal and puts a lot of people at jeopardy, including websites where illegal activities are conducted in public forums... This forum isn't the place to work out smuggling routes online, so pull your tricks somewhere else or your registration on this forum will be banned."
"I have invested years of hard work to bring this FREE forum to the more than 50,000 unique people that visited this forum last month and I'm not going to stand by and let some idiot use it to conduct their illegal business so they can make a couple of bucks at my expense and put this forum and my freedom and reputation in jeopardy."
"Is it too much to think before you type? You're not pulling this crap in Finland where the alcohol taxes are higher, the laws are stiffer and the controls stronger than in the US because you know you could go to jail for cheating your government."
"On the second thought, you're banned..."
Now the Preacher, sensing a bit of unrest, tries to compensate:Demomonkey: Doesn't this mean that every US citizen who has mentioned bringing bottles of Havana Club into the country on this site should be banned as well?" And...
Count Silvio: "Mmm, delicious smuggled rum." One chimp, fearing the wrath of the master, was really intimidated...
GuzziJason: "FWIW, I was just joking when I made my smuggling comment...".
Let's see if I understand.Preacher: "If you want to tell the world that you are bringing contraband in your luggage, that is your business. If you do it regularly and brag about it, you will probably get caught... As the owner of this internet domain, I have an obligation to see that illegal activities are not allowed through the use of this website." But hedges again, and read this one twice...
"Some attorney probably thinks I have an obligation to notify the authorities of such behavior, I don't agree." However, Ron de Jeremy is different...
Regarding RdJ: "I wouldn't think twice about turning over any documents that would help federal or state prosecutors do their job, but only after I had fed the offender's balls to a hungry pit bull.".
1. He considers the use of the word "tricks" illegal.
2. But postings of illegal activities by his faithful followers who openly report stories about how they smuggled or snuck in some rum is fine. You do know that Americans can visit Cuba via Canada, don't you?
3. He bans the promoter and threatens that he'll report such activities to the authorities, after first having "...fed the offender's balls to a hungry pit bull".
4. Current members' exploits excepted of course, not least his own.
So what's really happening here?
Jealousy.
Under any other circumstances RdJ would have gotten a PM or private e-mail and the offending post deleted. RdJ would have apologized, made clear any "tricks" he had in mind were not illegal, and life would go on. My evidence?
Aha! The Preacher knows a smashing and multifaceted campaign when he sees one, particularly when compared to his own feeble efforts. His only response is sputtering bluster, extreme threats and insults. Would someone please hand him an emesis basin?Preacher: "Maybe you can market your product as an illegal drink that has been banned on the Ministry of Rum website. Tweet about it, put it on Facebook and use it in your PR campaign but this is the last that is going to written by you or your company on this site about Ron Jeremy."
But it's not all bad. The Preacher - understanding the superior skills of his bigger dicked adversary - has anticipated and thus recommended Ron's next big slogan...
"...banned at the Ministry of Rum". Perfect! Earth to Preacher: you just made his day...
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Capn's Log: For more information on feeding hungry pit bulls, and and yet another first - expose of the Preacher's own smuggling history - read on...
