Fee Fi Faux: Competition

[Capn Jimbo]

It's almost not worth reporting...


I like Bobby Burr - and even find his difficult young partner to be redeeming in a sort of intransigent way. Bobby has worked very hard to finally create what is surely one of the two real American rum fests remaining - that of the Rum Queen Dori, and his own.

Over the years he worked hard to ingratiate himself with the Prophet, started a series of at first small rum tastings in the setting of the magnificent, Old Florida location of Coral Gables, and attending and infiltrating the fests put on by the Prophet, the Rum Queen and the Badassitor of Rum, among others.

The point: to pick brains, and try to establish relationships with the distillers with the idea of picking them off for his own gig. I won't soon forget the last fest we attended as judges for the Rum Queen, when she complained of the Burr invasion, and about how Jr. had the nerve to accost and stiff arm her distillers for freebies. E tu Burrtus!

Or is it Burrti?

Let's just say that booger Burr Jr. can be, well, a little edgy. Another time Sue Sea and I had been asked to attend a private Cartavio introduction in Miami Beach. Lovely.

I know the Burr Brothers were shocked to see us at this private and very commercial event (introducing the rums to the trade) and like always, we were fashionably late. We received a warm welcome and were directed to a table. I spotted what appeared to be a shabbily dressed waiter, whom I addressed: "Sorry, we're a bit late, could you please get us some tasting glasses...". In the tone we all use when placing an order. Problem was...

The "waiter" was Burr Jr., and he obviously was offended. We hadn't recognized him and worse yet, treated him like hired help (which in a way, he actually was, assisting his dear Daddio). He stomped off, and I had to get our own glasses. Realizing our minor faux pas, we couldn't stop grinning. Seriously, a real hoot!

But he didn't think so.

Later and as always, I gave my annual free plug to the Renaissance as I do think its a fun event, I love to promote our Paradise in South Florida and I genuinely like Bobby Sr. I was pleasantly surprised when Bobby Sr. sent me a private email thanking me and offering us a couple of free passes. Completely unsolicited and appreciated, as we no longer pay to attend what amount to marketing events - and what may be the "glamor" of this event for visitors is just another day in Paradise for us.

South Florida is that way.

But when the day finally arrived and I dropped Burr an email requesting details of where to pick up the tickets - nada! What I got was what looked like a auto-reply: "We are busy with the Rum Renaissance and will not be returning email until after the event". And the ticket desk said we weren't on the list. Hmmm.

So - forgive me - I sent a faux email from another account using another e-name, claiming that I wanted to bring 10 or 12 people to the event, and was it too late? This time I got an actual warm personal note thanking "me" and suggesting which day was best (Sunday). Busted! And who would I suspect?

Bobby Jr. the waiter, of course. But of course I could be wrong. Sure. But I digress...


The "Competition"


You know by now that all the rum fests feature a "rum competition". The competitions are limited to those distillers and distributors who pay dearly to participate. Great rums that don't attend are not considered. The judges are almost always drawn from "the biz". Burr calls them the "XP" panel (marketing for "expert"). These include the Artic Wolf and his bitter-finding palate among others. Awards include "Best of Class", Gold, Silver and Bronze. The losers who paid are also compensated by not being directly revealed. No tasting notes are published.

Just follow the money. The paid for participants get what they paid for - the right to quote their paid for award, awarded by a bunch of industry insiders of dubious skills, who blind taste way too rums in way too little time, and who possess way too little skills. These suffer from both professional and personal bias.

Let's see how...


The Results

Let me save you some time. Look, I knew already that these faux competitions are hardly definitive; indeed they are really quite meaningless in all but the sense of marketing. But really, I do try to be fair.

A good starting place always, is to consider the scores of well known, well respected, world-class and a few other special rums that by consensus, have long earned deservedly high scores. These great spirits reflect years of quality production and relative consistency. These rums include Mount Gay Extra Old, Mount Gay 1703, Ron Matusalem Gran Reserva 15, Appleton 12 Extra, Barbancourt Five Star and El Dorado 12 or 15. Other impressive rums include Santa Teresa 1796 and Anejo Gran Reserva, Plantation Barbados, and Dos Maderas.

Almost all of these stunning rums earned a lowly Bronze, really quite insulting. What's equally revealing is to examine the "Best of Class"...

Here the "dark best" goes to Koloa, altered with caramel - the "old aged best" to Zaya, a syrupy sweet/hot rum that could not possibly be more altered and the "premium aged" to Burr's buddy Cartavio XO. BTW, at the private Cartavio tasting mentioned above, the consensus of the professionals present was that their 5 Year was the superior offering. In sum...

Just another faux "competition" with a decided preference for the altered sweeties, while almost all the world class rums had to sneek out with their consolating bronzes stuffed down their pants.

Remember, I told ya so - almost not worth reporting. Almost...