They run around in designer suits with multi-pleated pants to accomodate their near eternal woodies, some of which may even be older than the glacier water they promote. Recently, the doe-eyed Wolfboy dutifully reported the marketing mantra for some shit named Siku Ice Glacier Vodka. As our asskissing reviewer stated with his usual exspurt surety...
This alleged super-pure water, he claims, is then blended "in small handcrafted batches". Wow! Even better the glacier ice and vodka is shipped to the romantic Netherlands where Black Forest elves do the blending using a "proprietary" stirring process, during a full moon and no doubt stirred with their perpetually stiff penises.The Frozen Malemute: "...the Qalerallit Glacier which covers most of Greenland is estimated to be up to 60,000 years old. This means that the water which is frozen in that glacier just might be some of the purest water on earth, frozen and covered at a time far before man-made pollutants could be trapped with it."
What bullshit, and the Wolfboy is lovin the taste.
The truth is this. Glacier water is pure alright - pure hype. It is anything but pure. Keep in mind that the ice builds up layer after layer, year after year for thousands of years - trapping thousands of layers of dust, bacteria, smoke and volcanic ash and preserving it all for the poor slob who's actually forced to drink it.
It is the layers of trapped dust, debris and smoosh that climatologists and historians use to study the history of the earth. Wanta actually drink it?
Then - according to experts, you'd better first chip away the outer, fresh dirt layer, then boil the ice to destroy any preserved bacteria and other infectious materials, and finally multi-filter the water to remove 10,000 years of accumulated particulate crap. So with all this in mind...
I emailed Siku (pretty well named, eh?), and asked the simple question: How do you deal with thousands of years of accumulated and frozen in bacteria, volcanic ash, airborne dust and pollutants? And their answer...
Their answer? Their answer? Their...
The silence was icy and deafening. My lonely question echoed into extinction while I waited fruitlessly for an explanatory salvation. But the smell of pure hot bullshit was simply awful...
*******
Note: Look - as reviewers we are obligated to cut through the marketing crap and to reveal and report the underlying spirit devoid of bullshit. The last thing we should do is to simply shill and repeat the marketing mantra brainlessly, as though it really meant something. Such shilling simply loses credibility and serves no one, save our distiller provider of freebies.
I won't do it.
