Let's get right to the point. A couple of "reviewers" have once again submitted to distiller marketing. First up... the Frozen Buttster, having been given a freebie by a drooling distiller/importer, published a fawning review of a new rum called "Panama Red 108 Rum". Second up... The Rum Collective, who simply reworded the publicity release.
Following are net found exerpts of the marketing release from the creator, Carlos E. Esquivel, Executive Director of PILSA, and made available to rum shills...
Did you get much beyond the first paragraph? I hope not. What I found amazing was the considerable detail and length of this description, surely meant to convince the reader of its romantic veracity. I guess the idea is if you throw enough bullshit against a wall, some of it is sure to stick. Ask the Tea Party.The Story of Panama Red….
(Version 1)
She was one of those rare beautiful babies born to the most interesting couple in Panama. Her father... one of the finest Latin musicians and dancers... Her mother, Rosa... a wonderful entertainer known for her Tango... the proud parents of a baby girl they named Carolina.
(Version 2)
She was born, Carolina Cansino, into a musically gifted family at a time when a great engineering marvel known as the Panama Canal was being completed...
(Version 1)
(They would)... become friends with an American couple... (who) gave lavish parties at their home... the Cansinos were frequent guests. Elsie... would dote on Carolina... bring her children’s books written in English, French, German, and Spanish... by the time she was a teenager Carolina could converse in all four languages.
(Version 2)
She developed a love for music and spoke many languages.
(Version 1)
Carolina... inherited not only her mother’s physical beauty but her many musical talents... she would often perform at the Ogelsby’s parties. She was... beautiful... worldly and wise beyond her years... (and) seen on the arm of many of Panama’s most eligible bachelors...
(Version 2)
With her charms, she invaded the hearts of many men.
(Version 1)
Juan Carlos Esquivel De la Rivera was an entrepreneur... spoke many languages... a great visionary thinker... the “pride of Panama”... (but) disappeared without a trace and left Carolina heartbroken... plans had been made...
Germany had just invaded... when Carolina was approached by a lawyer who informed her Juan Carlos had died... and had left her... a magnificent old bar in the Casco Viejo... (which she) remodeled the building into an intimate night spot with a stage on which she could perform... (naming it) Cantina Roja’s (Red's Place)... (reflecting) her beautiful auburn hair...
(Version 2)
With her charms, she invaded the hearts of many men; transforming the old town bar in the Casco Viejo, into an even more famous lounge named Cantina Roja's.
(Version 1)
American sailors and soldiers... became frequent customers... calling the bar Red’s Place. They (named her) “Panama Red”... the bar was packed every night. Most came to gaze at her... but the rum was an attraction too. Red’s rum was magnificent... unique to Panama... (mixed with) Panamanian oranges, guava nectar, and guava soda... that became... known as a “Panama Red Sky” and would later inspire (the song) “Red Skies at Night".
(Version 2)
A famous cocktail named Panama Red Sky was crafted at Red's Place. Reportedly made of fresh squeezed Panamanian oranges, guava nectar, guava soda and Red's rum, it was sipped by many and inspired a popular song back in its day called "Red Skies at Night".
(Version 1)
Red’s Place (bacame) the ‘in’ place... Ernest Hemingway at the bar with his third wife, the writer Martha Gelhorn, or John Wayne... One night... a musician from Nashville... captured the applause (and Red's heart)...
(Version 2)
The American soldiers' called her "Panama Red" presumably after drinking a bit of the fine rum she offered there. The name became famous. But whether you were famous or not, people came to see and be seen at Red's Place. Appearances of distinguished guests, such as Hemingway or John Wayne, were not uncommon.
(Version 1)
Red had followed her heart and Red’s Place was closed... some interesting songs have evolved from the legend and it is said that if you hold your head just right while sipping a “Red Sky” you can still see the beautiful Panama Red... as a tribute to Carolina, PANAMONTE BRANDS has released PANAMA RED 108.
As a sailor I was particularly offended by the claim that "Red Skies at Night" derived from "Panama Red". Actually this phrase comes from a centuries old rhyme repeated by sailors..
A similar early English version depicts shepherds in the field. Before that Shakespeare gave a similar warning. But perhaps the real written origin may come from the Bible, Matthew 16:2-3...Red sky at night, sailor's delight.
Red sky at morning, sailor take warning...
If "Panama Red" is coopting the origin, it's no wonder her hair is red. Giving a distiller a whole page to spew what some consider marketing drivel goes way, way beyond ordinary shilling. And seeking permission to publish fairy tales is truly the height of pandering.2 - He answered and said unto them, When it is evening, ye say, It will be fair weather: for the sky is red.
3 - And in the morning, It will be foul weather to day: for the sky is red and lowering. O ye hypocrites, ye can discern the face of the sky; but can ye not discern the signs of the times?
As for Version 2, the Rum Collective has the elephantesticles to seemingly claim it for his own ("That is my depiction of the Panama Red's story"). What!? "His" depiction?! If I'd turned in such a "depiction" in English class, I'd have gotten a quick "F" for plagiarism. The RC goes Wolfboy one better and posts this...
A fantasy picture made to look deliciously authentic - or at least to conjure up real and romantic history. I guess "Red's Place" was so famous that they couldn't find a real black and white photo of it, or of Carolina herself. Thus we are presented with a colorized model and bottle of "Panama Red", taken in a modern California period bar, and superimposed over what is intended to resemble an authentic Panama transfer receipt from, uh, 1914. Sure. All that's missing is an interview with an actress posing as Carolina granddaughter.
Why do self-appointed reviewers do this? It surely isn't to serve us. What's really going on is bragging rights about one's inside status, and a complete sop to our drooling buddy distillers. The trade: softball reviews and free promotion for free product and "inside information". A carefully cultivated relationship with a table at a future rumfest in mind? You decide.
Now excuse me while I spew...
