Canookie Dept: When you think it can't get any dumber...

[Capn Jimbo]

I'm sorry. I really am. I really try to ignore them...


Over the past couple of years regular readers have noted that I don't hold Canookies in all that high regard. It all started with a certain disrespect for Canadian whisky...

And I'm not alone in this.

Canadian Whisky is an oxymoron. Single Malts are pure, no additive works of art, and in many cases even sans caramel coloring, unfiltered and higher, richer proofs. Not to be ignored are Amercan bourbons, pure by definition, as are Mexican tequilas. And even rogue rum - which cheats - at least pretends to be pure, and some even are.

Not Canadian Whisky, which is allowed up to nearly 10% of anything - anything including wine - to be added to give it flavor. And which is still called rye whisky - legally - even if there's no rye in it. Seriously, a fauxed up spirit like this cannot be taken seriously. And as it turns out...



Neither can the Canookies.

It all started with the Frozen Furball, the Wolfboy, who actually started a rum review website with little previous knowledge of either rum or tasting! And who invented his own quirky "methodology", and proceeded to pump out faux "reviews" based on a highly questionable palate - a likely supertaster with bittermouth - and who found "bitterness" in over half the reviews examined. I could go on and one. Laughable, really, if there were only more credible rum websites on the net.

Part of his regimen seemed to be evaluating a rum with coke, a practice I found quite odd, but which I discovered is common practice among Canookies even with, or should I say often too with whisky. The Canookies are used to altered, pussified and easy drinking spirits which are really the Spam of Spirits, so in that light I suppose adding Coke is a plus.

I suppose.


And just when I thought it couldn't get worse...

Due to the Wolfboy, a small group of Canookies now call the Shillery home and to be honest, they're a perfect fit with the sycophantic, "...it's all good" monkeys. Recently a Canook from Montreal going by the name of "J" (no, not me) made this amazing post (exerpted)...

"I... have been collecting rums and other bottles... since 1990. I cannot stand the taste of ANY alcohols... none the less I love to collect the stuff.

Love to read what people think about the contents of the bottles I own and it's helping me... with my collecting. For Example I regret buying Appleton 30 for 400$ when I can get Zacapa XO for 85$. I figured Appleton HAD to be fantastic at that price but ALL the critics I read on it grade it lower than Zacapa 23(never mind XO) and even cheap Havana Clubs. Same goes for my Diplomatico 12 which was 40$...

So I may not drink the stuff but truly do appreciate (what) people share... and hopefully will keep on learning more about bottles I own and ones I will want to own from reading posts.""

Is this amazingly stupid or what?

To collect some very expensive rums, not open or taste them, and then to regret the purchase based on what a few monkeys say? It's clear he's not collecting bottles per se, or he could collect them empty for far less expense. And it's not the rum for he doesn't even open or taste them. Nor can his "collection" be considered an investment.

It really does sound like thousands of dollars invested in this fakokte hobby. Can you imagine walking into this guys basement apartment, lined with hundreds of unopened bottles of rogue rum? I mean really now - though I can now understand why he doesn't collect truly expensive, top single malts.

No, what I believe he is collecting is recognition by consensus. He wants to own - not open or drink - rums that he believes are recommended by? By?? By the fackin monkeys fer gawds sake! And in this way gain the respect of these smelly simions? I can't imagine.

Only in Canada. Bitterness, coke and closed collections of others...

[Capn Jimbo]

Butt Mounties er, buddies...


Referring to butts of rum, of course. One thing I've learned is that if nothing else, the Canadian reviewers (and faux reviewers) exhibit solidarity. They all defend the Spam of Spirits, Canadian Rye Whisky, and each other. For example I once pointed out that a new Canadian e-magazine called "flave" was created on the basis that ad purchasers could be sure their products were favorably reviewed and that readers could actually click and order products on the spot.

In other words puff pieces designed to sell product.

And the Artic Wonder had been chosen as a puff reviewer, a task for which he is eminently qualified. My criticism was of the magazine and never even mentioned the Wolfboy, yet the webmaster - the famous Davin K - immediately jumped to the unmentioned Wolfboy's defense, and defended the notion of freebies. Talk about defensive!

Amazing.


The Canookies circle their moose carts...

In turn, the Wolfboy - who scrupulously follows this website - defended his fellow Canookie "J" and his perfectly ridiculous "collection"...

Wolfie: "Hi J

If you do not appreciate alcohol but just love to collect special bottlings that appeal to you, then I dig your style. Collecting full sealed alcohol bottles for the sheer joy of owning something special, in my opinion, very cool.

I know lots of people who do something very similar. My Star Wars Geek friend who collects his Star Wars toys but never takes them out of the plastic wrap, yeah I'm talking about you Todd. Then there is my movie Poster collecting friend who wants the original poster of every Oscar Winning Film even though he dislikes most of the movies that win Oscars. Then there is that web site out there dedicated to nothing but rum labels, no bottles, no booze, just the labels. Cool!

You seem to be collecting for the sheer joy of possessing something special.

The fact that the reviews and opinions of others regarding the contents is important to you is not surprising. You want your collection to be worthwhile and important to others, because it is important to you.

Not everybody gets it, but I do, and like I said earlier, I think it is extremely cool!"

"Wolfie: Not everybody gets it, but I do...".

Of course he does. But even if you take this equally ridiculous defense seriously, it fails miserably. It matters not that the collections are not used, driven or played with. Let's deconstruct fellow Canookie Wolfboy's defense...

"You seem to be collecting for the sheer joy of possessing something special."

First of all, collecting commonplace and available rums (like Zacapa 23) is hardly "special". It' s like collecting modern cans of Coke or Sprite - unopened of course! Hold onto them for 100 years, and then you might have something. But for the next century, it's just plain silly. Next...

"The fact that the reviews and opinions of others regarding the contents is important to you is not surprising."

Au contraire, the opinions of others are rarely important to real collectors. Those who collect almost anything love what they collect regardless of what non-collectors think. Seriously, there are maniacs who collect almost anything - used chewing gum, cigarette butts, navel fluff, burnt food and toast, old underwear, animal poop - you name it. I'm serious, look it up. But to a person, these crazy collectors actually love their objets bi'zarre.

"J" doesn't. His sole requirement is that someone else - anybody else apparently - does. Back to Wolfboy...

"You want your collection to be worthwhile and important to others, because it is important to you."

Wolfie has it exactly backwards. To the contrary, "J" is so timid that his collection is only important to him if and only if it's deemed important by others first. For example, "J" is sorely disappointed that he spent $250 for an Appleton 30 when he learned that a number of monkeys preferred Zacapa 23 for $85, or Diplomatico 12 for $40. Their simpleton simion preferences and opinions mean that much?! Good grief.

Oh, and before I forget let me offer my own defense of Peter of "Peter's Rum Labels" (whom our chickenshit defender fears to credit on the Preacher's turf). If there is one website that deserves "The Best Rum Website On the Net" it's Peter, not the Preacher. Peter has managed to accumulate labels and bottles of almost every rum ever made, published with complete, copious and competent links and data about their distillers. His collection and information is breathtaking and invaluable in its breadth, depth and completeness.

OTOH, Wolfie's defense of "J" - with no knowledge of his collection - is indefensible. It's all a Canookie Crock of Collectible Crap...

[NCyankee]

That might be the craziest thing I have ever heard. I could almost see if he was collecting Tequila that way, because they have some really interesting and crazy bottle designs.