Pop Quiz: Whiskey and the Wolf

[Capn Jimbo]

It can get awfully lonely in the "experts' corner"...


The web is well known for descending to the lowest common denominator. Some idiot starts a website and begins to hold forth as some kind of authority. This is usually a combination of attitude, butt-kissing and volume. The Frozen Wolfboy is Exhibit A. His output was incredible: in little more than a year has spewed out about 240 spirits reviews, another say 360 recipes and conducted roughly 1000 tastings!!

That's volume. He struck up the proper attitude, stilted language and hung out with the appropriate monkeys over at the Shillery. The expected outcome: a certain number of numbed out newbies began to accept him for some kind of authority, despite the fact that his reviews were amateurish, and based on his uniquely bittermouthed palate.

He had painted himself into the "experts' corner".

This is really a sad state, for when this course of events occurs, one becomes obligated to act, speak and generally hold forth as an "expert", however unqualified you know you are. It gets even worse when this obligation is enhanced by a sense of stubborn pride, wherein admitting you just might be wrong is as likely as the Pope admitted that certain choirboys are, uh, interesting.


Let's join the Wolfboy at the "corner"...

Recently the Wolfboy - who has always considered himself a whisky man - was defending his position on making mixed drinks using premium spirits:

The Frozen Expert, Wolfboy: "I have made no secret of the fact that I like to make cocktails from premium spirits. . I occasionally receive a little grief on this blog from persons who feel it is their duty to inform me that premium spirits must not be subjected to the indecency of cocktails..."

He felt the criticism emanated particularly from "Single Malt" lovers, and noted that while he'd received no criticism about cocktails made with Johnny Walker Gold, he'd gotten plenty regarding some made with Glenrothes Select. His defense was simply this:

Wolfboy: "Now of course you know the hilarious part; Johnnie Walker Gold Label is a highly decorated Scotch Whisky... On the other hand, Glenrothes Select Reserve happens to be every much as blended as Johnnie Walker Gold. The difference is that the Select Reserve happens to be blended from single malt whiskies from one particular distillery."

Ergo, he implied, the critical "single malt" lovers must be full of it. His expert opinion - blended whisky is blended whisky, and thus the alleged pretentiousness of the "single malt snobs". He then publishes yet another self-described "controversial cocktail". But horrors!


A reader rebuffs The Frozen Expert...

A guy called "Whiskeynotes" challenges the painted-in expert...

Whiskeynotes: "I see what you mean (SR contains different casks from different years), but with these words it’s just not true!
Blended whisky = grain + malt whisky. A lot of words have a specific meaning in the whisky world."

Oh my! The reader doesn't pull any punches, and states simply that Wolfboy's expert claim is "just not true". Ouch! Wolfboy, stunned, tries to recover...

Wolfboy: "Blended whisky = grain + malt whisky. I do not think that is exactly true. My understanding is that a “Blend” can also be like Johnny Walker Gold, a blend of single malts from different distilleries. (I can find no evidence of any grain used in the Johnny Walker Gold blend.)"

And...

"I also used the term “blended” in my posting as a verb, (quite purposefully), to avoid that quagmire. When used as a verb the term refers only to the act of blending and not to any particular style of spirit. Although upon rereading my post I can see how it might have been taken as a noun."

Well, it might have been taken as a noun because - because - you used it as a noun, dingbat. Blend, blended whisky, blending, blended. The bottom line is that the Wolfboy equated JW Gold with Glenrothe Select insofar as being a "blend".


Who's Right? Whiskeynotes or the Frigid Expert?

Here's the facts. Unlike rum (and as Whiskeynotes states) the world of whisky is very tightly regulated and words are very, very important. What you call a whisky had better be accurate, especially when you may be paying in the hundreds of dollars for it. Here are the actual legal and well understood definitions:

Whisky: distilled from malted barley and other grains in Scotland or Canada.
Whiskey: same but distilled in Ireland, Kentucky and Tennessee.

Malt whisky: made only from malted barley
Single Malt whisky: produced in a single distillery (Glenrothes)
Vatted or Blended Malt:blended malt whiskies from different distilleries (JW Gold)

Grain whisky: light whiskies made from corn, wheat or raw (unmalted) barley.
Blended Whisky: a blend of malt whisky and more neutral grain whisky.

Now let's apply these to the Wolfboy's Certified Expert Opinions:

1. Johnny Walker Gold: Blended Malt Whiskey (not a blended whiskey)
2. Glenrothes Select: Single Malt Whiskey (not a blended whiskey)
3. Blended Whiskey: a blend of single malt and grain whiskies (not a "blend" of single malt whiskies).

Scores: Wolfboy - 0; Whiskeynotes - 3.

"Whiskeynotes" is entirely right. Wolfboy - stuck in his "experts' corner - simply doesn't have a clue, but feels obligated to defend his indefensible position, to maintain his "expertness". Words do matter... like "blend" or "single malt", "expert" or "dunce". What should have occured? Easy. The Frozen One could have simply acknowledged his silly error, and thanked Whiskeynotes for the correction. Instead he blew off an intelligent and well meaning poster to maintain his facade of knowingness. Worse yet...

Whisk(e)y drinkers, and now you, know it.

[Capn Jimbo]

What's the SWA?


Whisk(e)y lovers already know - it's the Scotch Whisky Association, the old and highly respected authority which tightly regulates Scotch whisky. Unlike rum, whisky and especially bourbon whisky are extremely tightly regulated. Unlike rum, E150a (bitter spirit coloring caramel) really is used in truly miniscule amounts, to simply and only adjust color. Bourbon whiskey doesn't even allow this, and further insists on aging only in brand new oak barrels.

As for rum, don't make me laugh. Sweet caramel is commonly used to produce dark and unnatural color and to dramatically alter the taste of rum. Unlabeled alteration and artificial flavorings and additives are common. Although a few rum distillers utilize sophisticated and expensive cooperage, most do not and rely on very used barrels (toss offs from the bourbon industry).

Now let's get to definitions.

Whisky has plenty, they are legal and meaningful, they are used (and enforced) and they are understood. Rum has few and they are commonly abused. The whisky definitions above are very well known to whisky lovers, and especially to whisky reviewers.

This is no minor point. With rare exception, "blended whisky" (blends of single malts and light grain whiskies) are relatively inexpensive and represent probably 90% of sales. On the other hand, "single malt whiskies" represent the house style and production at a single distillery, while "blended malt whisky" is a blend of multiple styles from multiple distilleries.

This difference is notable and important. "Blended malt whisky" (JW Gold) from multiple distilleries, achieves complex profiles that no single malt whisky (from a single distillery) can achieve.

The Frozen Wolfboy either doesn't know this, or doesn't care, and he equates the two based on his own delusions. His self-created "expert" status prevents him from admitting a very basic error.

Reader "Whiskeynotes" is then thrown to the, uh, wolves by our frozen friend, the stubborn and prideful Wolfboy. Really quite sad. This is what happens when an uninformed amateur paints himself into the "experts' corner".

A very lonely and inescapable place...