The Preacher Preaches Dept: Turning water to rum, er...

[Capn Jimbo]

It's hard to be green...


There's a place called "The Expert's Corner". Here's how it works. You're just another rum rep, with just a few lines when you decide to establish one of the early websites. You make up a piratey story and then establish a commercial site which pretends to promote rum in general. But here's the key...

A certain number of monkeys will come to actually believe you're an expert and buy the story.

Now whether you are or not, the furbearing public treats you like one so what do you do? Simple. You celebrate your marketing success and proceed to play the role. And play, and play. You have to. It becomes unthinkable to go out of role and voila!


You've painted yourself into "...the expert's corner".

This week's episode...

Another innocent Shillery monkey managed to get his paws on a bottle of 151 and wanted to dilute it to 80 proof. Based on his calculations he figured he needed to add 22.35 oz of water to do so - so he posted simply to confirm that his math was correct.

Enter the preaching Preacher.

As the intergalactic knower and seer of all things rum, the Preacher demonstrates his superior knowledge by gently prodding the simian and fine tuning his calculation...

Preacher: "That is very close Craig. If it was 160 proof, twice what you see on your store shelves, you could just add 750ml... But since this is (151 proof), (151/80 *750)-750)/29.57 ml/ounce = 22.5 ounces."

My, my - the poor furball was off by a tenth of an ounce!

Then our expert Preacher further cautions "...How the water is added is important. You could just add this in a larger bottle and shake it up, but I would suggest adding an ounce every few hours and stirring it as you go."

He alludes to some kind of "chemical reaction" to justify this hair splitting. Gag me with a spoon. But even that isn't "expert" enough, so when the furball asks what kind of water should he use - "...soft, hard, distilled, spring, mineral etc?" the Preacher really goes off..

Preacher: "My water of choice would be limestone filtered water like that found in Kentucky... avoid anything with chlorine in it... Deionized is good, but the real test is to try it and taste it... Definitely avoid hard water from a municipal supply."

The view from the Idiot's Corner...

The monkey's calculation was just fine. And you don't have to run off to Kentucky to find the Preacher's recommended "limestone filtered" water either. His recommendation for "deionized water" is equally ludicrous based on both extreme price and minimal availability. Seriously folks, the problem is not really a problem at all. First of all, no one really knows what kind of water was used in the 151's production so there's one and only one safe and sensible choice...

Distilled water.

Commonly available, cheap, practical and very, very pure and most importantly, tasteless. Add 22.35 oz (or 22.50 if you wanna keep the Prophet happy) and voila! The 151 will not be altered in any practical way except to achieve the desired proof. In short...

A simple, idiot-proof solution...

[Capn Jimbo]

How bout a lil' deconstruction?


1. Limestone filtered water from Kentucky: this fails simply on the basis that historically most distilleries are built next to a handy source of water. Spring water, mountain streams, limestone filtered, river water and yes, even city water. Limestone-filtered water from Kentucky is unique to, yup, limestone-filtered water from Kentucky. It would only make sense to add this water if the spirit was distilled in - yes, again - Kentucky. And the 151 in question isn't.

2. Deionized water: this too fails on simply availability and cost. First of all, it's very hard to find, and when you can expect to pay about $10 to $15 a liter (!), or from $40 to $60 a gallon. Oh, plus shipping. A fackin stupid suggestion. But delivered with great confidence!

OTOH, plain old everyday distilled water is just as pure, just as tasteless and available for about a buck a gallon. Not to mention that many distillers already use distilled to dilute for bottling. Any "expert advice" to the contrary is plain horseshit...

[Capn Jimbo]

So how'd it all turn out? The end story...


When we left the Preacher and his erstwhile, rum-diluting monkey the Preacher's final stone tablet advised the use of either "limestone-filtered water from Kentucky", or $60/gallon "deionized water". I, on the other hand, suggested ordinary and tasteless distilled water, but of course the monkey in question is held in close confinement at the Shillery Zoo where the computers are all equipped with Rum Project filters.

So what'd the poor furball do?

It really was rather impressive. The monkey finally decided to use mineral water, and made sure to use the Preacher's suggestion to stir - not shake - it in over a few days. Here's what he ended up with...



He now had three rums to compare: Lemonhart 151, the 151 diluted to 80 proof, and a bottle of El Dorado 5 year. He then proceeded to compare the diluted 151 to the ED5. His findings?

...frankly the diluted LH blows the ElDo5 away in terms of sheer flavor... the ElDo5 has significant sweetness but lacks smokiness and richness... the diluted LH has smoke, spice, and the rich sweetness of classic Demerara rum on the finish.

I let the diluted rest for a day, and it is, well, simply incredible. There's ZERO diluted taste, and the flavor simply tops ElDo5 by a wide margin.

Actually pretty interesting, despite his use of possibly taste-altering mineralized water. But most interesting?

Here's a pic of the 3 rums for comparison; ED5, the diluted 151 (in the decanter), and the undiluted Lemonhart. Note the color differences... particularly how pale the ED5 is in comparison to the diluted 151

Clearly our rum-diluting monkey believes that the dark color implies more richness and flavor. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Here's the point. No rum drinker should ever be surprised by the unnaturally dark colors found in most rums, but especially those called "dark rums". The darkness is achieved by the addition of caramel coloring, and by itself is no indicator of richness,of flavor, or of anything else other than the phony color itself. Coloring is used only to imply or mimic actual aging, richness and flavor, but accounts for none of them.

Compare to a true noble spirit like bourbon or many single malt whiskeys.

You would be amazed to find many well aged and pure single malts (say 12 years) which remain a light yellow or bronze. Compare to the very young Lemonhart 151's faux and altered dark color.


Bottom Line:

Don't ever confuse rum's color with age. Nor confuse its taste profile as evidence of quality distilling and/or aging. Sadly, many rums are younger and thin column-stilled products that are altered to look old, and flavored to achieve their rum-like profiles.

[NCyankee]

It's hard to be green...

Then our expert Preacher further cautions "...How the water is added is important. You could just add this in a larger bottle and shake it up, but I would suggest adding an ounce every few hours and stirring it as you go."

He alludes to some kind of "chemical reaction" to justify this hair splitting. Gag me with a spoon. But even that isn't "expert" enough, so when the furball asks what kind of water should he use - "...soft, hard, distilled, spring, mineral etc?" the Preacher really goes off..
.

I think he is getting Rum confused with concentrated acid, where you must add a little a time to water or it will boil and splatter.

I hope he knows which one to drink.