The quick aging conundrum solved!

da'rum · Post by **da'rum** » Sat Mar 21, 2015 11:48 am

The Captain has invested 5 grand and rightly so!

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/pi ... whitout-ce

Post by **Capn Jimbo** » Sat Mar 21, 2015 12:30 pm

OMFG!

Oy, my fackin god... as so well said by Einstien: "There are only two things that are infinite: the universe and the stupidity of man and I'm not sure about the first one". Or Andy Granatelli the owner, former CEO and developer of STP fuel additives for cars. When asked "What role does marketing play in the success of STP?", Grantelli responded "STP IS marketing.".

Da'rum has done it again with this highly entertaining find that expresses perfectly both Einstein and Granatelli. And look at the money raised. Now of course we all know anyone who invested and any of the few early adopters will be sorely disappointed. Still it won't stop the founders from making a quick gain, nor will all the usual corporate shill rags defer from trumpeting this "amazing advancement".

. . . . . . .

(...surely they know of what they dupe, er do)

BTW, this is their actual logo. At least it's well named: Pinocchio Barrique!! I can only assume the smug founders are well aware of their deception, and are so ego driven as to jam it to the silly investors. Total arseholes? You decide.

. . . . . . .

(Pinocchio being reprimanded by Capn Jiminy Cricket)

Post by **Capn Jimbo** » Sat Mar 21, 2015 1:01 pm

The following was sent to them:

"Capn Jimbo's Rum Project is one of the most read free and independent spirit review sites on the net (over half a million monthly reads in the US). As reviewers of fine spirits, I must be honest: I don't believe any of your claims. Well marketed? Yes. Effective? I doubt it. Why? We simply know too much about cooperage and aging to know that real aging simply cannot be achieved in the very short periods you suggest.

As you should know there are three processes going on: additive, subtractive and interactive. Although some of the additive processes may occur, the subtractive and interactive processes take years as various combinations occur and reoccur. We have never seen any fast aging scheme really work, and there have been many. Still, we are willing to extend you the benefit of the doubt and have your well named bottle tested by legitimate and experienced reviewers.

I promise you a fair and unbiased review by these experts. In any case, if you believe in your product, agree to send us one or two for testing and review; in return you have our permission to reproduce our review in your promotional materials.

Caveat: our review will be absolutely fair, unbiased and honest. We will not be influenced by your participation."

The Black Tot · Post by **The Black Tot** » Sat Mar 21, 2015 4:00 pm

I couldn't even skim the whole of that site without my head starting to hurt.

mamajuana · Post by **mamajuana** » Sat Mar 21, 2015 10:46 pm

It seems as though this company is not the first. The creator of the first "Oak Bottle" is even claiming infringement on this "Pinocchio Barrique". Apparently the Oak bottle has been out for years now.

Check out this website:

http://oakbottle.com/index.php?route=common/home

It even seems to me that some of the information on the kick starter was lifted from the oak bottle website and reworded slightly.

But 58(Pinocchio)-80(oak bottle) dollars for this ? Seems insane for something that can only be used a few times.

You can get a new 5L oak Mini Barrel cheaper than this which can hold a reasonable amount of swill. 1 bottle is not enough for anyone I know no matter how quickly it adds oak flavor.

http://oakbarrelsltd.com/5-liter-oak-ba ... hoops.html

Here are some rather scathing reviews of the oak bottle with an explanation about why its barrel or bust:

http://www.chelseawinevault.com/blog/ch ... ak-bottle/

http://firstwefeast.com/drink/this-oak- ... n-a-month/

“The only way to take new whiskey to old whiskey is to hop in the Delorean and fast forward a decade or two,” he says. “These guys should work on perfecting the hoverboard instead of trying to speed up nature.”

Post by **Capn Jimbo** » Sun Mar 22, 2015 8:01 am

Yo mama!

Nice post and links. Right on. Einstein had it right. I'm quite serious when I say their choice of a name - Pinnocchio" - is really an ego-driven admission that they know it's just marketed monkey droppings? I say yes.