Rape is bad, Incest is best Dept: LS, Helena and Rational?

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Capn Jimbo
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Rape is bad, Incest is best Dept: LS, Helena and Rational?

Post by Capn Jimbo »

It all makes sense now...


Our regular readers should be well aware of at least two of these:
  • 1. Helena Olsen
    2. Lost Spirits
    3. Rational Spirits
You don't? Sure you do. "Helena" is actually Tiare of the well known Tiki and food blog "A Mountain of Crushed Ice". See, you DID know her. And "Lost Spirits" is yet another Tate-like, self-aggrandizing inventor of the aforesaid failed, fungal oak barrel still, "instant" banana peel dunder, and the mega fast aging machine - years in days (and which can be programmed to recreate long lost profiles!), and the use of his magic light treatment. If you read The Project, you know of his fakokte career.

As for "Rational Spirits", you probably don't know them. Actually they may not know themselves as their websites seem to be in perma-construction. But nonetheless I can now tie them all together.


Let's start here

Lost Spirits started out in northern California as I recall, very appropo. Abundant pot, surfing, chocolate, redwood forests, movie stars, propeller heads and oak barrel stills. This mad inventor - well married I hear and with full support - actually made a few whiskies using a homemade oak still setup. His theory? If aging in oak is good, distilling in it must be great. And so he did...

Like his butt buddy Chip Tate, he actually developed a bit of a following and was well on his way to declaring himself the new King of Whisky when his oak theory literally sunk him. You see oak is a very absorbant wood - oak barrels breathe - and that is exactly why they are great for aging. Oxygen passes to and from, the spirit moves repeatedly through the fibers adding, subtracting and transforming all manner of great aromas and tastes.

But a still is different (duh!) - it's not supposed to breathe or interact. Still must be kept scrupulous pure and clean for each new batch, which is then heated and the selected "cut" of vaporized alcohol is then extracted, and condensed. Success?

Not for the mad scientist. Nope, his porous oak proved very difficult to clean and sterize, perhaps even impossible and all those nice, wet, warm porosities then did what? Yup, just like wearing an old pair of sweaty, warm sneakers his break through oak still developed a great case of incurable fungus. A kind of Athlete's Foot for distillers. The result:

The magic oak still couldn't be fixed, couldn't be cleaned and in fact his business came to a sudden halt. All of his hard work promoting his theories was well, kind of for naught. Distilling stopped, the few favorable reviews became forgotten. What to do?

He started again, and in the spirit of a good acid high, built a "Year of the Dragon", Chinese looking still that would look great in a San Franciscan tea garden, but had an incredible number of - again? - hard to clean nooks and crannies. He also changed his product focus, more toward "theme" rums: "Navy style", "Cuban influence" etc.


Starting from scratch, the NEW "big thing".


His new big thing was a magic aging machine (which he calls a "reactor". I'm serious, this is a "secret" super-scientific process that he believed could duplicate many years of expensive aging in well, days. Maybe a week? No matter. If this rabbit-brained, ducktape notion (the latest of many), why he'd get rich! Filthy rich! Other companies would line up to buy or lease his machine to save having to tie up big money and huge inventories in expensive wood for years and year, and better yet?

No Angel's losses. Friends, if successful this idea is literally worth billions to the major mega distilling corporations. If successful, life would be good, and surely one of them - Diageo, Bacardi, Fortune, etc. - would happily buy his idea for say ten or twenty mil, and then it's time to buy the yacht, hire the crew, move to the south of France, and get blown a lot.


Next up: Enter Tiare

During this period of down and downer, Tiare seemed always there. She'd get her hands on one of the mad creator's latest experiments, and would gush all over it. A genius(!) she expoused. New and modern technology known only to this Lost Spirit. One good or great review after another. Curious to me, because the reviews I was seeing weren't nearly as gushingly positive, but were rather checkered.


Back to Lost Spirits, but only for a moment

So now we have our mad scientist and Tiare in some kind of sync, a kind of dance of veils obscuring what and why this symbiotic relationship seemed in full gear. Meanwhile our scientist has determined his path to the south of France. At a point he decides his mega fast aging machine is so good, so effective, so fackin valuable that he won't sell it. What, someone might reverse engineer it and cut him out? So no, it appears it won't be sold, but he will keep and own these time machines, and charge distillers to process their new make into 17 year old taste alikes in what? Three days? A week?

No matter, all he has to do is get a good test with Diageo, hell with even a small to medium sized respected distiller, age a bunch of whisky or rum for them that compares reasonably with their expensive aged product and bingo! Call Brink's and order a weekly pickup.


Did it happen?


Did it happen? Hmm. I can't seem to find a happy customer, but wait a minute - OMG - I go to Lost Spirits site and see something new, something called "Rational Spirit's Santeria Rum". And then this: apparently Lost Spirits has found it necessary to "team up" with under construction "Rational Spirits" and some entity called "Rattleback Rye" to create what appears to be a partnership called "The Lab".

Apparently "The Lab" needs to be across the country in South Carolina which is also the home of "Rational Spirits". To me this indicates that Rational may be the important partner to Lost, with Rattleback remaining a kind of rattle-free, silent element.


Time to tie it all together:
  • 1. Helena, aka Tiare, has an amazingly close and positive relationship with the Lost Boy.
    2. The Lost Boy has been caused to leave his northern California enclave to move to - ugh - South Carolina to participate in "The Lab". But were still missing a tie to Helena. Here it is:
    3. Helena gets hired by Rational, and moves to the US to be their "brand ambassador" aka mouthpiece.
Now it ALL makes sense. Lost Boy, Rational/Rattle and Tiare all sip from the same reactor-aged cup. All have financial ties to one another, ergo the unceasingly positive reviews of the Lost product.

The main player? I think it's Rational. My speculation? The Lost Boy didn't seem to make much progress with his time machine. Like Tate, perhaps he needed some deep pockets. The fact that the business moved to South Carolina is surely meaningful. Here's what happens. It starts with an idea, and ends with greed. The lure of BIG money is irresistable. Tie this together with BIG dreamers with BIG ideas and BIGGER mouths and there you have it.

Reality gets lost in the shuffle and the potential takes over until, well, until Tate get tossed out of his company and the Lost Boy moves to South Carolina.

And so it goes...




*******
Tiare is hired by Rational:
http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases ... 29011.html
About Lost Spirits (click "enter", then "about us"):
http://www.lostspirits.net/
And you just HAVE to see this video (click on "Economics"!
http://www.lostspiritstech.net/
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