Hipboot Dept: Mooseshit, Myth and Vodka

Great tasters note that one way to better your understanding of a spirit is to try others. We've already tried calvados, cognac, armangnac, tequila, whisky and gin. Here's some of the more unusual spirits and drinks. Mead me halfway on this, woncha?
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Capn Jimbo
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Hipboot Dept: Mooseshit, Myth and Vodka

Post by Capn Jimbo »

It's just alcohol and water...


The biggest con job ever is vodka - there's just no doubt about it. It all started not really all that long ago when vodka (rightfully) was considered a get drunk product selling for maybe $10 to $12 a fifth. Then along came the Master of Modern Marketers - Sydney Frank - who decided he would triple the price of his vodka. Of course his concept was laughed at, until of course, he actually did it by creating a product that was all - 100% - marketing. He called it Grey Goose and created one of the most complete and effective marketing campaigns of all time.

As he put it: "It's all just alcohol and water. If I can triple the price, it's all profit!". Having thus set the stage, the copycats went to town and today there is no end of mooseshit mythmaking and marketing.

Let's cover a few representative examples:

1. Glacier water, deep water, etc.

The goal of these campaigns is to hype the special purity and hard-to-obtain qualities of their claimed water. The truth is simple - it is no longer a challenge to purify and/or distill water to amazing purity. Almost any large distilling plant for vodka has their own system in place to achieve this. Near absolute purity is a trivial claim.

2. Diamond, gold and pearl filtering. Naturally the marketing mavens hope to infer great cost as somehow further implying - again - great purity. The truth: these "methods" were simply add-on sections to common (and effective) filtering methods, many using various charcoal schemes). They were developed purely for their marketing value and there is little if any evidence that they work. For example the "diamonds" are often a short section of low-priced industrial diamonds (the kind you might find on a knife honing block).

The real advancements are the use of platinum and silver filtering sections, a technology that does have real effect but sadly for the marketeers, are very common and used by hundreds of distillers. No unique claims there.

3. Multiple distillations. This is just a mooseshit way of expressing the common use of multiple column stills, and in many cases is just a made up number that implies a level of reflux. Doesn't mean a thing.


So what really makes one vodka different from another?

This is where the Russian experience has some real value. In addition to their notable engineering expertise in developing top purity in distillation and filtering, it is important to note that vodka is to Russian what single malts are to Scotsman. A way of life with hundreds of years of love and experience.

Four grades of vodka, based on the content of (bad) methyl alcohol:

1. Standard: 0.3%
2. Extra: 0.03%
3. Lux: 0.02%
4. Alpha: 0.003%

Methyl alcohol is the bad stuff, poisonous to humans in larger quantities. The objective is to limit it - like flouride in water - to acceptable levelas. Almost all the vodkas you will ever see will be in the middle two categories and are commonplace. "Alpha" vodka is terribly expensive and is limited to a literal handful of Russian distillers:

www.tatspirtprom.ru
www.bashspirt.ru
www.mordovspirt.ru
www.vodkaalmaz.ru
www.uralsvz.ru
www.slvz.ru
www.vladalco.ru

The real truth is that most Euro and American companies produce relatively cheap vodka, despite all the hysterical claims to the contrary.


Why you can't find "Alpha" vodka outside Russia...

The Russkies are good at making truly pure vodka, but they are simply lousy at advertising. Even though "Alpha" is a common term in say pharmaceuticals (where the prefix means "pure"), the Russians allowed an Western Euro company to trademark their own vodka as "Alpha Vodka". For them it's just a cool name - for the Russians it actually means something, but the damage is done. The Russians can't sell or promote their "alpha" level super vodkas outside of Russia. Thus you are left with trying to find products from the distillers listed above.

Na Zdorovie (nostrovia)!
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Capn Jimbo
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Wod's that you say?

Post by Capn Jimbo »

Wod's that you say? Wodka Vodka from Poland...


With all of the above in mind, some of you may remember how I stuck it in my vodka loving buddy's ear, by inviting him to bring his "must have" brands (three of them) to a blind tasting that included two more of our vodkas plus the "special vodka" I created from Everclear pure grain alcohol and distilled water (allowed to "marry" for a couple weeks).

Turns out the Everclear concoction beat out all his favorites and came in second. He actually rejected two of his "must haves". These kind of blind comparisons have proved - without question - that vodka is all marketing, period. Those who swear by a brand can't identify it in a blind tasting, and often prefer common vodkas. With this in mind...


How about Wodka Vodka?

This is a Polish vodka made by the single monopoly owned by the government circa 1920. On the Russian scale it's of "Lux" purity, and has achieved all manner of high scores against "premiums" marketed at - are you sitting down - 3 to 4 times the price. That's right, Wodka Vodka sells for about $9, just like the old days. Their ads spoof the Grey Goose crowd and promote top quality at basic price points. This is actually guerilla marketing at it's best.

These folks realize the absurdity of paying $40 or even more for a bottle of relatively easy to make unaged spirit. Their marketing spoofs the "premiums". Check these reviews:
"A high quality vodka at the price point where they all should be. Thankfully the people who are importing Wódka decided to bring in a honest vodka at an honest price. Filtered through three different filter mediums the last being charcoal, this vodka would be classified as type 3 or Lux grade by the usual grading standards of production.

Crystalline bright appearance, clear as a bell. Silver pool in the glass. On swirling, it leaves a thin clear coat on the inside of the glass with long thin legs and scalloped edging.

At first pass you get some esters, then they very quickly pass and you can smell the graininess of rye and almost anticipate the body of the vodka by its depth. It displays a nice grain character, not as minerally as Russian styles of vodka, this polish rye will appeal to people who want lots of rye flavor with a minimum of mineral distraction. Oily body and warmth/burn when you toss it down lets you know you are drinking something."
(Credit: http://www.chelseawinevault.com/shop-by ... cOBriPYurB)

Or BTI:
90 • Wódka Vodka $11.99/L. Best Buy.

Clear. Aromas of toasty pastry and custard with a supple, glycerous, off-dry medium-to-full body and a creamy, powdered sugar, light pepper, and mineral finish. A clean, nicely made vodka that is a very good value. (tasted on Sep-01-2010)
Or my friend Chris Carlsson:
"Notes:A high quality vodka at the price point where they all should be.
At $9 dollars a 750 ml or $15 for a 1.75 L, for a good rye vodka we are finally seeing someone stand up to all the marketing hype that would make a subprime mortgage broker blush. The price of vodka has been getting out of control; for too long.

Grey Goose set what was then a ridiculous price for vodka and so everyone thought it had to be good. It got to the point if you charged less than $25 for vodka it couldn’t possibly be any good. Thankfully the people who are importing Wódka decided to bring in a honest vodka at an honest price. Filtered through three different filter mediums the last being charcoal, this vodka would be classified as type 3 or Lux grade by the usual grading standards of production.

Appearance: Crystalline bright appearance, clear as a bell. Silver pool in the glass. On swirling, it leaves a thin clear coat on the inside of the glass with long thin legs and scalloped edging.

First Impression: Alcohol and grain. At first pass you get some esters, then they very quickly pass and you can smell the graininess of rye and almost anticipate the body of the vodka by its depth.

Taste: Tasted at room temperature it is a touch raw – but few people outside of myself and my Russian friends drink it that way. But it displays a nice grain character. Not as minerally as Russian styles of vodka this polish rye will appeal to people who want lots of rye flavor with a minimum of mineral distraction. Oily body and warmth/burn when you toss it down lets you know you are drinking something.

Drinks: Martini was excellent (with olive or twist) the rye adds some depth and complexity (something a vodka martini sorely needs anyway). Worked well in every other vodka based drink also. Assertive enough to taste it (in a good way) with its solid grain backbone put plays nicely with other ingredients but lends weight to the mouthfeel.

Final Thoughts: Stick a fork in that over-priced goose – it’s done!

Bottle: Clear glass bottle with a very Soviet Chic look to the label – looks very cold war proletariat. My Russian and Georgian friends found it highly amusing.

Website: http://www.ilovewodka.com

N.B.We are grading Wódka in the category of under $15 bottle not in a overall vodka standard (which would include varieties at over 6 times the money.)"
(Credit: http://spiritsreview.com/?s=wodka&sa=Search)

My kinda spirit -think I'll buy my buddy one.
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